My Hallucinated Love Story!

    My Hallucinated love story!

I flew, I jumped , I dived , I saw, I conquered, And I laughed. My heart beats and I love the Rhythmic Ups and Downs, sometimes the wi-fi doesn't work, the whatsapp doesn't ping, There's no reminder of the coffee getting cold, and no one to show the drooled over almond choco fudge strangely adorning the face.I am not sexy I'm one in 1.21 billion...but I'm Alive!

Being alive though, never seems to be enough, you got to have a dream you got to chase that dream and in between these two dear aspects you got to find that somebody with whom you can share your dream and then your life just because Robinson Crusoe is a metaphor.

Some find that somebody as early as a baby finds a diaper around his abdomen. Some take time allowing their’ somebody’ to grow up a little more and some even find them when they work to earn their living. However there are some who are too lazy to move their eyes and this precisely is the reason behind the success of various matrimonial sites. Thus I say ‘ Somebody is just a click away’.

At 25 these categories confuse me. I don’t wear diapers any more (laugh at that) , and my pay cheque is still three steps away. The normal discourse hence is- I am lazy or there are faults in my star. Well lazy is a gross underestimation, I doubt my stars though.

 I like a lot of people (men to be specific), unfortunately I have never fallen in eternal love with anyone of them. I have allowed myself the petty pleasures of an uncontrolled desire of having ‘somebody’ by my side when I am petulant or talk over the phone when the moon forms the waves in the sky or to just binge in a KFC restaurant to kill time with love. These are hyperbole statements! Or the honeymoon phase. Love definitely is not a figment of imagination it is a feeling that doesn’t swing with the mood.

 Most of us substitute with what has to be substantiated with love. Friends are not always lovers and lover not always a friend. Companionship does not imply love it can be a choice too. Love doesn’t have validity but it needs a recharge quite often. Those who understand the demands of love continue to acknowledge it and those who get bored try to rise against it comfortably blaming it all on love. To fall in love is driving down the slope with ignition off but to keep it accelerated once you reach the plains is tedious. I don’t think it is abnormal to not be in love, after all a liking for non-vegetarian food doesn’t mean you can eat the dog you are holding the leash of .You got to respect the preferences of your taste buds.

I am not in love, I am not waiting for the right time I don’t know what right time is. I have no understanding of the right man also. I only want to spare myself the horror of the hallucination of being in love. I don’t want to be with anybody who makes me feel like somebody and decides to switch over when he realizes that I have been smiling the same way since ages. There’s nothing bigger an offence than stealing someone else’s sunshine to live a moment and get sun burnt for the rest of your life. Thank god the future is forgiving!

 Sooner or later I would find the man who can sing a song only I can hear till then I grant the liberty to confusion to breathe some more & keep the hallucination at bay.

P.S: Jism ki baat nahi thi unke dil tak jaana tha, lambi doori tay karne mein waqt to lagta hai- toast to the song of love.

Signing off

Srishti

The seepage in the Head!

Okay, I failed!! ... Again!

People run after success therefore people are running . I prefer intelligence therefore I watch 3 idiots (the Amir Khan flick.)

Jokes apart, how ignorant the world has become ? Teacher emphasise upon numbers, parents emphasise upon numbers, society emphasises upon numbers! As if numbers were invented to educationally differentiate people just like numbers distinguish Benetton from Khaadi.

“Ask her to wear make- up she’s good in that only. Arey! He will not do anything he doesn’t have that spark in him” or the best among the rest “marry her off bhai!”. Which holy book says nerds can wear thick glasses but no dark lipstick? What do we have in our veins blood or kerosene? a little flame and the entire body will burn to ash and for the water of youth’s sake marriage is not the last resort of every problem after puberty. You slog day and night to stand on your own feet and not just walk on those very own feet to collect your child’s birth certificate from the concerned municipality (I agree we do much more for instance parents buy a sticker that say baby inside drive carefully blah! Blah! To be glued behind the car carrying the child. As if the roads comply with the affectionate feeling of the new parents)

Do we ever understand the turmoil of the one who has been tagged “failed” ever? The easiest thing available absolutely free of cost is advice or I should call it sick advice. There is a long list of what to do and what not to do. You have to work harder, try doing something else, you are not studying properly. I wish studies were like calories that could be counted every fort-night. Unfortunately there is no escape from these expert panels of a kind and more painful is staring at the unmoving floor below when you can easily stare at the revolving fan above. After all Swami Vivekananda said AIM HIGH!

Successful people deserve all our appreciation for the hard work they put in to reach a level that remains a dream for others, but it is our responsibility as wise people to slip into the shoe of those who failed this time to motivate them to do better. Failure is not just about numbers, earning well and  spending it on alcohol, drugs, and picking up cigarette butts  or pulling a more capable person down through treachery is failure of morals. Using, misusing and then reusing some body’s feelings for personal gain is failure of ethics and lying to your parents concealing facts from your loved ones is failure of upbringing.There is political failure, and also economic failure however every failure is indirectly a failure of society and therefore before we point fingers at others we must ensure our hands are clean (Bob Marley).

Hence I say, failure is not a disqualification, it is a belief we authorize to dominate our state of mind.Failure is a lesson that life teaches us the more we learn from it the better we become. What we know about us is truth and success is a mere reflection of this truth. The realm of dust will dwindle one day and the mirror will shine again! Some day.

Signing off

Srishti

Beautiful Mind!

We live in a materialistic world and we all are utilitarian by nature therefore we prefer BMWs, Vero Moda , ray bans et al. This fact puts me off really !

 I’d call it ex-situ development of human beings and human needs

Lately, very lately I am answering questions from out of my very own syllabus like have you spent money on you? You’re looking great ! wow! Really?

Haah! You’ve become a girl and again its wow! Really? 

Thus I conclude, putting a thick layer of an eyeliner, a gloss, a attire that keeps falling either from the shoulder or exposes the evidence of being a female makes you a woman and if you go around wearing a loose T, a men’s boxers flaunting those two buttons in front which are nothing but a convenient outlet for the birdie thing you are biologically a woman but socially a man.

 Are we understanding liberty and equality ?

I don’t have a pretty face, and my figure will never force you to assume that I am surviving on diet food, I have a chicken belly and if you have a problem then walk alone I don’t give a damn! I wear loose T-shirts and mismatch them with any color shoes and denim. So if people think I have no dressing sense or I can’t carry those “gurlie”  dresses because I have no protruding bums then there are fellow people on road and I wouldn’t mind anyone noticing them ( till I finish eating or drinking).

 Well, this by far is the biggest irony of a materialistic world. We say I don’t give a damn in our heads a zillion times but at last submit to the requirements of the world.  I being no difference,  Repetitive sermon forces upon you the collective decisions of the world you often  kept yourself aloof of. I started wearing liners, gloss, girlie clothes, and accessories without bothering about the suffocation my soul felt in my body. A compliment here and there just adds to the glorified misery of people like me who are not born with the innate ability to look attractive always.

The central idea is not “ME” it’s “US”. Talk to anyone, we are all morally so high that heart is the first thing that matters to us unfortunately it is words we all fall for. The beauty of the heart gets subsided by the beauty of wealth and materialistic pursuits of life. Can’t we accept a plump man as a human being first? Is it obligatory for a girl to fit in the fantasised definition that men have evolved for them?

A good standard of living is an index for economic growth only  let us  not indulge into economics when we talk about people who love us .Sometimes just sometimes the most good looking people(we perceive them as good looking) inflict upon us the gravest wounds which are often healed by the simplicity of a warm behaviour. If it is heart that really matters let it be only heart that matters.

P.S: As easy it is to get cheated in love as difficult it is to fall and then stay in love. A man with a sexy body is only an attraction. It is the mental connect that gives the pleasure if being complete.

Signing off

Srishti  :)

In Conversation with the self!

Whatsapp does not always ping with an out of box emoticon, a sexually driven forwarded message or random heloos n shellos, you experience serendipity in every layer of this world.Few days back my whatsapp pinged with a forwarded text from a friend it said "writing is a therapy; sometimes i wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia the panic, the fear which is inherent in a human condition." i smirked as soon as i finished reading ( a split second) and shelved it until yesterday when i read it again and pondered over it.True, all of us are not writers or painters or composers but all of us go through a rough patch of life, smitten by failures, we all feel life betrayed us at some point of time the irony perhaps is we are all absorbed by our own pain.Grief pain et al has no measuring rod thus no pain is big no pain is small. Pain is Pain. This is not the central idea of this write up anyways! so moving on...

The serenity of a silent night sometimes lures into an unknown often untraveled universe. Leaving behind the material pursuits, the unidentified self, all worldly relations you walk on a road that does not lead to your destination but instead of quitting you continue to walk.you walk in quest of an unconventional destination you walk because hope though a flatterer is also the biggest driver.

Serendipity is corollary to serenity. Walking on a different boulevard you wonder what shape life has taken? people who formed your group with whom you shared coffees, thoughts & feelings are only names on your whatsapp list  presently, the friends who tagged you in their pictures are no longer a part of the comment conversation that is followed by every like on a facebook post. Strangely, you don't feel bad about these developments rather you continue walking keeping the memories intact .Life has its own ways it attaches you to some detaches you from some makes you cry makes you happy. Your life is your self created kaleidoscope.

The kaleidoscopic emotions, however do not always reflect bright colors.In some mellow moments the colors turn dull too.This happens when you start fighting within,the duel between the conscious and the unconscious.the peculiarity of being born a human is the bundle of overwhelming emotions our heart is filled with and our innate inability to conceal the same.  The most mature man becomes immature when he is trapped between love(Prem) and attachment (moh). Love is gentle, kind & unselfish, attachment is everything that love is not. Therefore to label someone as jovial or serious or enthusiast or boring is unwise.we are all humans and we face our own catharsis.Happy are not those who are laughing but those who are content.

It happens to everyone everywhere but the world like a nightmare pill grills you to bafflement, the inner self deviates from the outer self and its labelled "change".How can you answer the world when you are torn between two parallel paths? how can you speak when the reverberating noise does not leave your mind? no one's mistake but you  runaway, escaping into a world where serenity finds you, where the unsaid is understood the confusion ignored and where questions do not greet you....you are your own master and in such space you conquer yourself!

PS: Life plan is functional only when goals are small, if you are dreaming big then "belief" is the keyword.nothing is permanent and what is permanent is temporal.This write up is not a testimony to the deviance my inner self is going through or has gone through already.As mentioned above its only a therapy. the journey isn't over yet.

signing off

srishti :)